Cell In Hell: The Tale Of The Terrible Teleportation
by TheOnePotatoToRuleThemAll
Summary: While in HFIL, Cell has plenty of time or prepare for his revenge. Unfortunately, he managed to find a few snags in his plan. Oneshot! WINNER of the GhVi Month 6.0 Challenge. Check out the GhVi Lovers Forum!


**_Submission for the GhVi Month 6.0 Challenge! Enjoy!_**

* * *

There comes a time in a man's life where questions start to pop up. They feel different... think different... the world seems larger than they can comprehend and they feel the urge to go forward and discover all of its secrets.

For Cell, he always thought he was perfect, knew all the secrets, the world was his for the taking (or destroying), and that nobody was stronger than him. That was until a little shit named Gohan decided to kill him and send him to HIFL. Oh, how he hated that boy... the son of Son Goku, the man he was made to kill, LITERALLY HIS REASON FOR EXISTENSE, had beat him senseless, made him self destruct for no reason (Cell would never admit it hurt like crazy. He was above feeling pain. That was for weaklings... or maybe it was too much of Vegeta's DNA in his system.)

Regardless, it was statistically impossible that a 9 year old boy would defeat him, the culmination of the greatest fighters to ever exist. He had the all moves of all the best. But NOOOOOOO. That boy with his blaster Super Saiyan 2, and his father with the damn Instant Transmission screwing up his planet destroying explosion... It had been years since that day, but he remebered it perfectly.

The biomechanical Android sat on the side of a fountain in his newfound home of HIFL. He had quite a reputation there, and everyone knew not to go near the fountian or they would risk being absorbed by the insect looking man. So he sat on the side and brooded.

"Instant Transmission... what a usefull skill." He was quite glad he managed to gain it when Goku took him to the Kai's planet. It had managed to save his life, after all. The thought of being able to instanly appear behind a foe and immediately kill and absorb them.

He could have killed the boy before the Cell Games was even a thought in his mind-

And suddenly, an idea hit him like a kamehameha to the face. He had to train. And he had to train now.

It had been a year since "Operation Teleport To Earth And Stab The Half Sayian Brat In The Face With A Kamehameha Beam" was invented, and Cell was ready. At first, finding time to train was difficult, because the damn red and blue morons that had guarded the exit had threatened to get King Yemna to 'Treat him like they did Frieza' Every time he started flaring up his ki... whatever the hell that meant. Based off of some of the other creatures responses, though, he chose not to take the risk of blowing the gaurds up.

So for two months, he acted like a good boy on best behavior. Surprisingly to him, HFIL had a reward system, and by hunting down other 'Losers' that acted up in his new Infinite Home, he had gained enough 'good points' with the guards to be allowed training time. From there it was as easy as honing his skill in instant transmission, and waiting for the time to strike. From his estimations, he would have around 30 seconds before he would be forced back into hell. Slowly, he closed his eyes, raised two fingers two his forehead, and disappeared.

* * *

King Yemna had a typical day. Stamp papers, usher people in. So to his pleasant suprise, when he got a fax that said a prisoner named Cell was about to use a teleportation based technique that was chatged with enough ki to reach Earth, he had a chance to test out the new ki scrabbling security system North Kai got him for Christmas the year before. He never really cared for the Earthling holiday, but to be honest, he needed better security. He lifted a giant finger, and pressed a big red button that said DENY on it, at the corner of his desk. He had no idea how it worked, and frankly didn't care to learn. All he knew is that it was fun to press a button for once, instead of stamp papers.

When Cell opened his eyes, he nearly fell to the ground in sheer exhaustion. He felt the cold tempatures around him and realized he was not on Earth.

Next thing he noticed was a loud male voice call out.

"LOOK JUIECE! ANOTHER TO JOIN OUR WEEKLY POSING PRACTICES, IN CAPTIAN GINYU'S ABSENCE! SHOW THE MAN OUR NEW ROUTINE!"

The vile creation of science immediantly regreted looking up from the ground, as he saw a group of aliens in spandex, and thought one thing.

'Nobody should ever bend like that... I have made a terrible mistake.' He then proceeded to attempt to crawl away, a miserable, Infinite Loser.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Earth, it was early morining and Gohan was lying in bed with his wife Videl, and got an odd feeling up his spine. The half-Saiyan shifted slightly, gaining the attention of his wife.

"Mmmm. What's wrong, Gohan?" She snuggled in close to him and kissed his cheek.

"It's nothing, Videl. Just an odd feeling, like a crisis was narrowly avoided." He sat up and leaned agianst the headboard of the bed, as his wife joined him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close as she leaned her head into his chest.

"It's probably just your imagination." she smiled at him, and met his stare.

"Hmmmmm. You're probably right, Videl." He laughed and kissed her. "Whatever it is, let's just let whatever multiverse it did happen in deal with it."

She laughed and poked his cheek. "Ok, Einstein. Leave your quantum physics till after we've had coffee." They shared a laugh, and kissed again.

* * *

Ten multiverse over, however, Cell laid dead on the floor of Gohans bedroom. He had been shot through the head with a massive ki beam before he even had the chance to think about using Piccolo's regeneration. Currently, Videl was wrapped in nothing but a sheet, and was kicking the headless monster's body until, he disapeared back into HFIL, as Gohan ran to get his pants on before the Z-Fighters showed up to question the sudden spike in his Ki.

* * *

And that is the story of how Videl Son spawn killed Cell out of anger for jumpscaring her during sex. Every story has a moral, and this one is simple: People can and will surprise you when threatened. This especially holds for Videl Son, strongest (non-android) woman on the planet. But even with the truth in those words, the real lesson to be learned is as follows.

Never piss off a Son woman. As Goku, Gohan, Goten, and now Cell can all testify, it will not end well.


End file.
